Xx + Xx =Y?
Thankyou David Smiedt, well-known author and betrayer of his own Gender! The following is a reaction to his short story 'Hit and Myth' published in the volume entitled 'Girls Night In 2; Gentlemen by Invitation' Penguin 2001.
As the man himself says (pp 635) 'So here's to playing it straight when it comes to the greatest myths surrounding men's sexual desires plus the experiences we genuinely crave. What you are about to read ain't gonna be pretty....And we're going to uncover new ground in territories of his mind you thought you knew, while exploring the shadowy terrain he'd prefer you didn't wander around in'. Enough for me,-all you have to do is tell me I shouldn't or worse, I'm 'not allowed' and I'm in for a penny/pound/whole goddam bank.
Sub-Heading 'The Threesome Myth' (for interested parties other sub-headings include 'The Myth of the Male G-Spot, The faking orgasm myth, The purely physical myth, The Male wish list, Sorry there's someone in here, Teacher's pet, Penny Pelvis and others...).
Quote: 'As simplistic as it may sound, this means that when there are two naked female bodies together, the combined erotic power is not merely doubled but somehow squared'.
Ok, so men, despite being quite renowned for mathematic and logical reasoning, have been putting up a front all this time. Squared?
Quote: 'The concept of mutual satisfaction is crucial -men always satisfy the women in our fantasies with a deadly mixture of panache, stamina and the type of agility usually reserved for seven-year-old Soviet gymnasts and Shaolin monks'.
Hm, I suspect this is where male and female fantasies part ways. Men like to imagine themselves as greater than their physical limitations in fantasy, women get off on the idea that their pre-existing physical limitations are actually valued and adored in fantasy. i.e. the woman who worries about her fat thighs daily probably fantasises NOT that she has slim and perfect thighs but that her fantasy man LOVES big thighs and sees her as the fulfillment of his own fantasies.
Quote: 'many a man would also stake his claim on a fantasy where he and a woman are making love, but unbeknown to them are being watched by another woman who becomes so filled with lust that she can't help but make more than her presence felt'.
The thing I love about this one is that the male mind can actually believe for the time this fantasy is in play that the women he is making love to will actually be pleased that she now has competition for his attention. Further, that although he is all and everything she could ever desire, she has a little reservoir of lesbian lust that she wants him to witness. The real clanger is the idea that the original woman will be turned on watching her ideal man screwing some other woman in front of her. Newsflash: most women would call this 'betrayal' and run out of the room crying their hearts out.
Quote: 'The, ahem, pulling power is heightened because women are still apparently the more sexually demure gender, and the blatant flaunting of such rule-breaking is powerfully erotic. Especially if the guy involved believes that it's because the female participants want him so badly that they are willing to share him -and each other. This is an ego trip. Pathetic? Yes. Fact? Certainly.'
Want him so badly that we are willing to share him? You mean, have so little sense of our own self-worth and loveability that in order to hold onto the love of this man-among-men, we will give ourselves the equivalent of emotional Bamboo slivers under the nails? Just to make him happy? -I question the emotional viability of a man who wishes this (on any level) to come true. It worries me that a man can know that this behaviour would be an indicator of serious emotional pain for his partner and indulge the fantasy anyway. Are men thinking 'I know this shouldn't happen, and I wouldn't ever want to hurt her, but if I just fantasise about it, she'll never know?'. I guess that's wherethe Christian concept regarding 'thought' sins being as bad as 'actual' sins comes into play. Maybe I'm a closet Christian?-now that's scarier than anything I've written so far...
Wow. Head spin. So, actually, the man standing up there at the altar promising to love you with all his heart till death do you part blah blah, means 'only with the bit of my head I'm gonna tell you about baby, -the rest of me's gonna betray and hurt you again and again and again,-Why? 'cos I'm a man.'
Ok, now Psycho/med babble persona should say 'Fantasy is a normal and healthy part of any sexual relationship'.
I buy that (mostly) but I still wonder why men's fantasies often revolve around dominance and, let's face it, humiliation, either of their actual partners or of other 'actors' (women). I wonder why this induces powerful orgasm. I wonder if there's actually much to love in the shadowy male psyche at all, -or should we all run away screaming?....
posted by Cath @ 10:12 AM
4 Comments:
My personal belief is that a lot of that is caused by porn. The vast majority of porn shows women being dominated and degraded (think the ubiquitous money shot). The first sexual experience many men have is with porn, not with a real woman, and so are the overriding majority of their subsequent sexual experiences. The sex in porn arouses them, and the domination there becomes linked to arousal, until domination of women is seen as inherently sexy. This is not their fault - they are too young and inexperienced to be able to notice themes like that and choose to avoid them. Most women tend not to see much porn until their sexualities are more fully formed. The first erect penis they see will probably be in real life. I think this is a huge cause of the 'disconnect' between men and women. You might say I'm getting the cause and effect/supply and demand the wrong way around, but even accepting that, how are you going to break the cycle?
Luckily there are still a portion of men who never watched much porn, or who have recognised its effect on them and fight to free their sexualities of its influence. Again, sorry for invading your blog, but I'm bored, and Cameron had a link. I'm his brother Sean's girlfriend, for the connection. Tell me to go away if this is a personal blog, I won't take offence.
Of course I don't want you to go away:-) I agree with what you've said, but am at a loss as to how to deal with 'pornified' men. Nearly every man I've met will happily admit to a 'girl on girl' threesome fantasy. It is, I fear, seen as quite normal. It may be quite petty of me, but it worries me that a man who loves you will have a consistent fantasy that would cause you so much grief and/or pain in reality. I wonder if it would be as acceptable for women to hold as one of their dearest fantasies, their partner sucking another guy, or even more, having penetrative sex with another guy? Most straight men I know would be shocked and/or threatened by such a fantasy. I know I'm harping on the old 'double standards for men and women' chestnut, but hey,-that's what blogs are for!
Pornified... nice. That's definitely a word I'll be using from now on.
While I cannot deny that the idea of a menage a trois is not completely unappealing (yes, I know that's a double negative), I can say that it doesn't hold a high position on my list of fantasies. In a real life situation, I would be extremely uncomfortable, particularly with a MMF combination. (This is Brett, I forgot my password.)
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